In a shocking outburst this morning, an anonymous little keyboard warrior accused the chief reporter of Southend News Network of being an anonymous little keyboard warrior. It was decided that the individual sending the message was an anonymous little keyboard warrior because a fake name and email address were used, which in effect would classify the sender as an anonymous little keyboard warrior with a complete lack or any identifying information. The message read as follows:

‘That all you got? Your page is a pathetic egotistical attempt for some sort of recognition, popularity or acceptance, I don’t know…. Maybe you were one of those geeky kids who wasn’t very popular and being an anonymous little keyboard warrior is your only outlet. Either way, what you do is pointless. We’re as I’m trying to run a business and you have attempted to damage that business. That my friend has upset me and made me very very vengeful. I’m like one of those dogs with a bone!!!! Let the games begin!!!’

In a late development, it has emerged that an IP address was recorded with the message, and as a result there is now a so-called ‘paper trail’ that would lead any applicable law enforcement organisation directly to the sender’s door in the event that things got a bit ‘tasty.’ We spoke to Dr Marvin Spitool, one of the world’s leading experts on keyboard warriors at the University of Old Leigh, and he said: ‘One of the fundamental rules of being a modern keyboard warrior is that you should always refrain from adding your IP address to an abusive message – it’s like driving your car straight into PC World, taking a few iMac laptops and then chucking your fucking gas bill on the floor as you speed off into the distance. Leave your real plates on the car as an added bonus for the CCTV viewer and you might as well just drive straight to your local nick.’


  1. You need to be ultra careful with this one, multiple exclamation marks are a good indication of this. !!!! denotes frothing at the mouth!

  2. ‘we’re as I’m trying to run a business.’ Can the anonymous little keyboard warrior not find the ‘F7’ key on the keyboard? Hopefully the commenter is not running a proofreading business.