A spokesperson for the BBC has announced a brand new reality cake cookery show that will begin in 2017. Fronted by award-winning TV duo Mel and Sue, United Kingdom Cake Cookery Showdown will bring together a group of ten wannabe cake baking superstars and set them a number of challenges every week, with one contestant eliminated per show until one cake cooker is crowned the ultimate champion. 

BBC head of reality competition development Ian Denticale spoke EXCLUSIVELY to Southend News Network about the exciting new show. 

He said: ‘We wanted to show the public that we were not prepared to stand around and mourn the loss of Great British Bake Off.’ 

‘We sat down for a crunch meeting with our legal team, and we decided that you can’t copyright a load of people making cakes otherwise they would have closed down every branch of Greggs by now.’

‘Instead of having it in a marquee, we will construct a purpose-built canvas structure, and the windows will be tinted instead of clear and see-through.’

‘We’ll make sure that the contestants come from a variety of ethnic and cultural backgrounds and it will be a winner.’

‘Technically we are only doing to Channel 4 what Amazon are doing to us over the whole Top Gear saga. Middle-aged saddos in fast expensive cars, yeah that was difficult to duplicate.’

‘If Channel 4 kick up a stink we’ll just tell Mel and Sue to stand the other way around or something. We’re not too concerned anyway, as five minutes on that channel and they will probably all have their knockers out.’

‘The format simply won’t work with commercial breaks anyway. ‘Hey, leave that pavlova in the oven for another three minutes as Barry Scott is doing an extended demonstration of Cilit Bang on a 2p coin.’ Dicks.’