A Chesney Hawkes impersonator from Basildon in Essex has been arrested for an alleged breach of the Trade Descriptions Act. 

The prosecution of 34-year-old Barold Harris comes after a six-month investigation by Essex Trading Standards, whose preliminary hearing into the matter ruled that it would be ‘impossible’ for a Chesney Hawkes impersonator to exist.

According to documents that have been seen by Southend News Network, the title of Hawkes’ only memorable song precludes the existence of any future impersonator, tribute act, and in certain instances, karaoke competitor.

Essex Trading Standards spokesperson Nabodi Eid-Ratherbee said: ‘We studied the evidence, and concluded that any Chesney Hawkes impersonator act would really only consist of one tune.’

’Unfortunately for the defendant, the signature tune implies that the original singer of the 1991 tune would exist purely in the unique sense, and Mr Harris’ leaflet indicates that he is ‘as good as the real thing.’

’It is now clear that the original singer is indeed ‘better than all the rest,’ and therefore this additional breach has been taken into account.’

’We have served him with court papers as Mr Hawkes’ case is airtight, bearing in mind that nobody can take ‘it’ away from him.’

’The court’s definition of ’it’ will now be defined by an extraordinary session of the Supreme Court.’

Speaking through his solicitor, Mr Harris said: ‘I’ve said all along that there is no copyright infringement as I’ve always told my fans to only call me, call me by my name or in certain cases, my number.’

’This whole experience has had a huge mental effect upon me. The fact remains that nobody has called me ‘the best’ at any stage.’

’I’ve been a player in the crowd at best – nowhere near above my station or a flicker on the big screen.’

In a late development, Mr Harris has now confirmed that he will be initiating counterproceedings for damages to his dignity and pride.’