A spokesperson has confirmed that today’s Coca-Cola lorry visit has been cancelled after members of staff and a traffic warden were involved in a HUGE BRAWL this morning. 

Shortly after the lorry arrived and parked outside of the Odeon cinema at 7.30am, witnesses say that a traffic warden approached the lorry while ‘waving a finger with intent to scorn’ – allegedly a ticket was issued and a 14-man brawl broke out in front of shocked parents and children. 

Witness Wayne Bruce said: ‘The driver got out of the lorry and told the traffic warden that he had all of the necessary permits and paperwork, but he didn’t seem interested in listening to reason – he just kept saying that an ambulance or a fire engine would be unable to get down the High Street.’

‘There was actually enough room either side of the lorry for a battalion of Sherman Tanks, and it all got pretty heated very quickly. The warden’s hat was knocked off, and so he jumped onto the lorry and started shaking all of the cans of Coke Zero one by one. He did a load of the green ones as well but they didn’t seem too bothered about those for some reason.’

‘Within a few minutes there were more wardens on the scene to provide assistance and all we could see was the lorry rocking from side to side to the noise of breaking glass. It was like a scene from a Carry On movie. Four riot vans turned up half an hour later and arrested the lot of them for a breach of the peace.’

A spokesperson for Southend Borough Council confirmed that there had been a ‘small misunderstanding’ regarding the administrations SCAAP proposals (Southend Central Area Action Plan). 

SBC Head of Parks and Parking Daniel Choke said: ‘When we announced that Southend car parking arrangements will be revised logically in line with current and future demands from business owners, tourists and residents, this traffic warden has obviously misinterpreted our mission statement. He may have accidentally thought that it was in a shared space area.’

‘I have just spoken to him through a glass barrier at the local police station, and he thought that we had said ‘suck the life out of the town by screwing the parking up for everybody.’

‘We apologise to anyone who was looking forward to seeing the lorry today, but we can assure everyone that there are plenty of other opportunities to see lorries if you stand next to the A127 anywhere in the borough. They have some really nice ones on the M25 as well.’