A leading diabetes charity has announced that they will be holding a Sponsored Smokeathon to fight back against the latest Macmillan cake sale to raise money for cancer. 

The chief executive of No Sweet UK told our newsdesk that he was ‘sick and tired’ of people consuming ridiculous amounts of sugar to raise cash for cancer sufferers while simultaneously pushing themselves towards developing diabetes further down the line.

Jack Hermes-Sita added: ‘Whatever next? A dyslexia charity doing an organised 48-hour alcohol binge? The NSPCC telling their followers to kick a dog up the arse to raise money for children?’

‘Our plan to raise money is simple. Everyone who pays their registration fee of £80 will be sent a carton of 200 Silk Cut and some sponsorship forms.’

’Menthol cigarettes will be available for participants who want to smell like a cross between a packet of Polos and a wet dog.’

‘We’re encouraging people to get creative with it. They could hold somehing called a ‘Hotbox For Hope’ where you cram twenty people into a bathroom with no windows and everyone sparks up.’

’We’ve even found out that one primary school in Basildon will be giving every child a Lucky Strike on Friday to warn them against the dangers of vaping.’

’Mainly the danger of looking like a complete bellend by trying to ‘smoke’ something that is bigger than a fucking Fisher Price walkie-talkie.’

’Oh you can create your own mobile dry ice effect like a 1980’s pop video. Well done.’

We asked Mr Hermes-Sita if he thought that his campaign was ‘irresponsible.’

He replied: ‘Of course not. We’re not sending them Gauloises.’