Driving while under the influence of drugs has been re-legalised for BMW owners after road safety officials in Essex noticed a ‘marked improvement in driving’ in users who were off their tits.
According to the officer in charge of the two-month trial, road activity will be monitored closely to see if accidents and incidents of road rage are reduced.
PC Ernest Peacie of Safer Roads and Roading Essex said: ‘I first had the idea when I noticed an M3 driver on the M11 who wasn’t endangering lives by driving like an utter bell end.’
‘He was using his indicators and I smelt a rat.’
‘This aroused my suspicions, and after pulling him over he tested positive for cannabis – he was very pleasant to speak to as well and he had five bags of KFC in there.’
‘This trial will probably create plenty of jobs in the fast food sector as well.’
BMW 4×4 owner Clive Wan-Kspangle told our Chief Reporter that he was ‘excited’ about the trial.
He added: ‘I was never able to count the distance chevrons on the A13 before, but now I find that after a couple of lines I have an incredible level of focus and can maintain the perfect distance behind the car in front.’
‘As an additional bit of trivia, did you know that there are exactly 134,534 dashes on the westbound carriageway between Sadlers Farm and the M25?’
Unfortunatley not everyone is happy about the trial. One BMW enthusiast called @SpatialSteve tweeted:
‘Waste of time. Had a hit of ketamine and took 17 days to get from Basildon to Pitsea.’