A family of four who have just started a £9.50 Sun holiday have been describing their shock after arriving and discovering that their caravan site is full of complete and utter c*nts.
According to Nathan Bodger, he first realised that their chosen park was full of beer-bellied, gunt-waving, sovereign-clad morons when he saw that the queue for the reception desk was 100 yards long and there were only five people in it.
He said: ‘I’ve never been more shocked in my entire life.’
‘How could a holiday location populated entirely by people who are massive fans of Islamophobia, tits and Dear Deirdre be so downmarket?’
‘The people in the next caravan must be Eastern European or something as they have a kid called Shutyafuckinmaaf.’
‘The bar for the evening entertainment is horrific. Someone just asked for a bottle of Lambrini and said that she fancied ‘something posh for drinkies with my girlies.’
‘How do these people figure out breathing without some kind of support worker?’
Nathan’s wife Natalie told Southend News Network that the park’s amusement arcade often resembled a scene out of a Comic Relief video.
She added: ‘I got my daughter 50p in 2p coins and we started using one of the coin pushers, and within 15 seconds we had a crowd of ten children all gathered around watching us with cold, dead stares.’
‘Another one’s been hitting the Whack-a-Mole machine for three days straight without putting any money in.’
‘Even though the sign by the pool says ‘No Jumping Or Diving,’ a 16-stone kid just did a belly flop into the toddler pool and put five babies in hospital.’
‘His mum didn’t even notice as she was sat on Snapchat putting dog ears on her face.’
A spokesperson for Public Health England confirmed that the family has been offered emergency vaccinations when they return home.