A leading researcher in the field of biology has sensationally confirmed that fur babies are not actual babies. 

In an interview that is likely to rock 72% of Facebook’s UK-based female users to their very core, Professor Nathaniel Teet-Ouanck of the Vange Institute told Southend News Network that these people ‘definitely need their heads looking at.’

He added: ‘Our research showed us that there is a shocking trend developing where women are emotionally unable to distinguish between a small furry animal and a small human.’

‘One post on Facebook even read: ‘Can’t believe it has been ten years already. I mis You every day and it has Neva got any easier to just get on with my daily life. Rest well with da angles Jamie.’

‘After further analysis, it emerged that Jamie was a much-cherished gerbil.’

‘We have a simple point to make to anyone who is still confused by this – although a tiny baby human will usually grow up into a sophisticated adult capable of various civilised behaviours, the average fur baby will usually just get bigger and continue shitting behind large pieces of furniture.’

‘A fur baby will usually also be one poke in the balls away from biting your face off.’

‘We noticed that 54% of those using the term ‘fur baby’ were also pictured in a fleece jumper with an intricate piece of artwork showing a wolf in a wintry scene.’

Facebook user Michelle Garridge from Southend told our Chief Reporter that the scientist’s attitude was ‘ignorant.’

She added: ‘My fur babies mean everything to me. It’s not that I don’t want to meet a man and have actual children one day, it’s just that it’s difficult to attract the opposite sex when you put a tiny tuxedo on a pug and wander off down the High Street.’