A lawyer acting on behalf of goldilocks has confirmed that she has instigated legal proceedings against the Three Bears after learning that their porridge wasn’t gluten-free.
In a further twist, it has also been revealed that their bedding wasn’t hypoallergenic Egyptian cotton, which she claims could have triggered both her dust and polyester allergies.
Diane Wolff of Wolff, Rapunzel and Bopeep Legal told our Chief Reporter that their negligence could lead to a ‘hefty’ payout.
She added: ‘My client entered that home in good faith, and she didn’t realise until four hours after being kicked out that she had eaten one bowl and two spoons of porridge that wasn’t gluten-free.’
‘They didn’t even put a warning triangle next to Daddy Bear’s bowl to let her know that it would be shite hot – imagine if McDonalds tried to pull a stunt like that.’
‘She recalls sitting on the toilet and feeling bloated for a couple of minutes, and she rightly feels that their slack approach to catering for all dietary requirements has put her health at risk.’
‘We are using the historic case of Gretel Vs Witch in 1893 where the plaintiff won substantial damages for contracting diabetes after consuming a load-bearing wall and a mantelpiece, and so we are confident of a positive outcome.’
‘H Dumpty Vs The Kingdom of Egg will always be the benchmark, when a simple net could have avoided costly damages and the entire cavalry being deployed with little success.’
In the event that Goldilocks’ case fails, campaigner Gina Miller has already promised to fund proceedings at the Supreme Court.