A 54-year-old insomniac trumpeter from Southend On Sea has revealed that he was ‘shocked’ to discover that his neighbour has TOURETTES SYNDROME. 

Alan York-Hunter, who lives in a downstairs flat in Fairfax Drive, told our Chief Reporter that he found out about his neighbour’s condition while attempting a brass-only version of Chris De Burgh’s ‘Lady In Red’ on Thursday evening.

He said: ‘I was overjoyed to finally hit the highest note in the chorus shortly after 3am – it took me around four hours of solid practice to manage it.’

‘However, my joy was short-lived as a few minutes later all I could hear from upstairs was a terrible cacophony of screaming, shouting and banging.’

‘I heard my neighbour cry: ‘Stop blowing that c*nting trumpet you f*cking inconsiderate c*nting c*nt. One more note and I’ll shove it business-end first up your f*cking peehole.’

‘He’s normally so nice to me when we meet downstairs, but he does get up very early in the morning for work so I didn’t think anything of it and carried on.’

‘About an hour later, I also managed to master the opening riff of Smoke On The Water, and I heard someone banging on my front door. I opened it, even though I could hear every expletive in the English language, and this is when I realised that he must suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome.’

‘As soon as I opened the door he punched me in the face and this is when I realised that my diagnosis was correct. I remember reading that the condition can cause uncontrollable twitches and movement.’

‘I am going to visit him later today and make sure that he is getting the help that he needs.’