Jeremy Corbyn has sensationally ruled out a coalition with Labour MPs in the event that he wins the general election in June.
According to a report in The Rochdale Herald and other areas of the mainstream media, the Labour leader has categorically stated that he isn’t prepared to ‘do a deal’ with other Labour MPs in the House of Commons if he beats Theresa May at the ballot box.
It now remains to be seen whether he will stick to his original plan of just parachuting members of Momentum and other student activists into constituencies where Labour wins while hoping that nobody notices.
An insider source confirmed to Southend News Network that it was already ‘particularly tricky’ to find anyone within Momentum who looks ‘as gimpy’ as ex-leadership hopeful Owen Smith.
The news will add a further amount of spice to the election contest as Corbyn has already ruled out working alongside Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP.
In an interview, Corbyn said: ‘I cannot enter into an arrangement with my own Labour MPs as the general consensus of opinion is that they would rather be led by a half-defrosted Findus lasagna.’
‘However, my research team is currently travelling all over the country to find left-wing activists who look a bit like Labour candidates that are likely to win their seats on June 8th.’
‘As soon as their victories are confirmed, I have a team of chloroform specialists who are prepared to go in SWAT-style and make the exchange.’
‘I’ve even identified a bellowing lunatic from London with Marxist tendencies just in case Diane Abbott decides to mug me off.’