A Downing Street spokesperson has confirmed that Larry The Cat has been promoted to Chief Advisor after two senior members of Theresa May’s staff stood down this morning.
It was announced on Saturday morning that Nick Timothy and Fiona Hill had stood down after a number of senior Tories threatened a rebellion against Theresa May for their involvement in a ‘toxic’ election campaign.
At 11.30am, Mrs May met press representatives to announce that Larry had taken over in the high-profile role.
A source said: ‘It’s all gone pretty well so far.’
‘Every time David Davis knocks to ask what is happening with Brexit negotiations he just starts licking his balls.’
‘He would have probably written a much better manifesto as well.’
‘OK it would have been all about canine internment and zero VAT on Dreamies, but that would have probably gone down better than stealing homes from the elderly so they can afford to end their days sitting in their own piss somewhere while looking out the window at a nice tree.’
‘He was supposed to be travelling to Belfast today to meet representatives of the DUP, but he stayed in London out of protest because of how they would feel about him and Roger from Number 11.’
‘He loves Jurassic Park as well so it’s probably best he just sticks around.’
The new role will be a welcome appointment for Larry after Mrs May tried to sell him to a Chinese takeaway in Mayfair shortly after taking over from David Cameron.