In the first major transfer deal of the Summer, Liverpool have completed the signing of Southampton for a fee believed to be in the region of £450m.
Speaking at a press conference earlier today, Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp confirmed that the deal will be formalised on July 1st when the transfer window opens.
He added: ‘We sent scouts to a number of Southampton games last season, and we were impressed with a number of different elements of the club – therefore we decided that the time was right to make a move.’
‘Virgil Van Dijk aside, their tea lady Doris is one of the best in the game. She knocks the shite out of a cup of Typhoo and nobody arranges custard creams on an eight-inch dish like her.’
‘We are also interested in a number of players and coaching staff, and so we knew that it made perfect sense to just take the whole lot wholesale.’
‘Also, with no Premier League title to speak of, we figured that it would be easier to win it with two teams instead of one.’
‘Bolting St Mary’s onto the top of Anfield will give us the biggest stadium in the league – imagine how You’ll Never Walk Alone will sound while having to duck to miss EasyJet flights on approach to John Lennon Airport.’
LFC fan Giles Smith said: ‘This is fantastic news for the club. Surely this year will be our year, or maybe next year.’
In a late development, it emerged that Arsenal narrowly missed out after Liverpool topped their bid of £449,999,999.01.