It has been revealed that throwing various random shit into a box suddenly becomes classed as a ‘hamper’ in December, as opposed to the more common term ‘random box of shit.’

Shell Petril is a self-employed mummywum of two from Southend On Sea, and she runs her business Shell’s Hampas in various local Facebook groups.

She said: ‘The great thing about my business is that I can work for myself and I can use the full extent of my creative skills to chuck a load of hamster straw in a box and top it with a jar of jam and a packet of Tesco Value Rich Tea Biscuits.’

‘As long as everything is laid down flat in an eclectic crazy paving formation, it can be referred to as a hamper and I sell these for about £10 each or £8 if the buyer is friends with Cammy-Lou Mummytits Funbagg-Thomas the group admin.’

‘I am taking orders now in my inbox because I don’t always get notifications on here and each hamper takes about three hours to put together because there’s no bus to Tesco anymore and my ex Shon took the car when he walked out because he found me giving a reacharound to his mate Gaz after I stuck ShaVon and ShoVan in bed.’

‘Once Christmas is over I will go back to my main business Shell’s Sweet Cones, Home Electrical Services and Wasp Nest Removals.’

‘The great thing about trading only on Facebook is you don’t have to have the normal qualifications to set up a business because of Facebook.’

‘It’s been difficult this week because Facebook crashed for the whole country after someone went on the Southend Mums and Mummery Group and asked if anybody made sweet cones.’

‘The post got more than 456,000 comments in the first eleven seconds and their data centre in the Nevada Desert started melting into the Earth like something out of The China Syndrome.’