A 43-year-old man from Southend has admitted that he no longer supports his wife’s involvement in today’s Women’s Rights March in London after realising that he would be responsible for making his own sandwich at home. 

Shortly after 12pm on Saturday, Dave Hellman of Fairfax Drive suddenly realised that he would have to prepare lunch for himself. 

He said: ‘I dropped my wife Sandra at the station this morning so that she could get her train to London and take part in the Women’s March.’

‘I felt a huge sense of pride, knowing that she was brave enough to take part in a movement that is raising awareness of a variety of injustices towards women all over the world.’

‘However, I walked into our kitchen at lunchtime, and it occurred to me that I have no idea how to make a sandwich – not a ruddy clue. Sandra normally takes care of that kind of thing for me.’

‘I could barely contain my anger as I clumsily threw some pastrami and mayonnaise between two slices of bread. It was a total disaster and she needs to sort her f*cking priorities out.’

‘She’s going to be tired later when she gets home, and she knows how randy I get after Match Of The Day. It’s a disgrace.’

‘I saw a clip of it on the news earlier and they even have men marching as well. What are they? Bent or something?’

‘As soon as I’ve had my afternoon nap, I’ll be straight on Facebook to organise a Men’s Rights March. My people have been unfairly oppressed for too long.’