A 23-year-old man from Southend has been describing his anger to Southend News Network after he said he was ‘conned’ by Tesco’s new dating service and ended up with someone who he has described as a ‘bag for life.’

According to Nathan Flidge of Fairfax Drive, he signed up to the new service in early June, and he told our Chief Reporter that the company sent him a 73-year-old woman called Ethel with his weekly order of groceries who won’t stop nagging him.

He said: ‘I didn’t realise that their dating service would be this direct.’

‘One morning the van turned up after I filled in the online form and said that I was after a girl aged between 18 and 23 who was tall and blonde with an ample amount up top.’

‘The driver gave me an elderly lady with a dodgy hip, and she had a piece of paper attached to her that said ‘sorry we didn’t have your first choice item – please accept this substitution.’

‘To be fair I was pretty hungover and just signed for the whole order without even thinking as I was desperate for the 18-pack of Quavers and large bottle of Orange Tango.’

‘Although the snacks and drinks are now long gone, I have been left with Ethel and I am outraged that Tesco believe that this is acceptable.’

‘Fair enough she makes a smashing lemon meringue pie of an evening, but I have to be super-careful in the sack.’

‘We’ve already had one very unfortunate incident and I have had to order some industrial-strength Poligrip from The Netherlands.’