It has emerged that millions of children have woken up and realised that HATCHIMALS ARE SHIT. 

In the early hours of Christmas morning, reports flooded in from all over the country of the phrase ‘go on, just f*cking do something’ being screamed by frustrated parents and children alike.

Distraught seven-year-old Verruca Salt from Leigh On Sea said: ‘I threatened to intentionally fail my 11+ exams if mummy and daddy didn’t get me a set of all three, and I wish I hadn’t bloody bothered now.’

‘It’s just sitting there like a big furry ball of shit.’

‘I’ll just have to sit here on my iPad Pro until it decides to do something.’

Her father Michael added: ‘Everyone promised it would be like having a Tamagotchi, but the build quality is so awful it will probably just fall apart when I shove it in the freezer on New Year’s Day.’

‘That’s £180 down the toilet. I had to queue for ten hours outside Smyths for them and mutilate seven fellow parents with a trolley once the doors opened.’

Jennifer Di Jaundiss, a mother of two from Basildon, is currently on dialysis after selling both kidneys to buy a teal Hatchimal on the black market for her daughter Shell.

She said: ‘I may only live for another six months but it was worth it just to see the ten seconds of sheer pleasure that it gave my baby on Christmas morning.’

‘Apparently she wants a PS4 for her birthday. Can anyone tell me if humans genuinely need a pancreas?’