Pregnant woman in office, looking at laptop, head in hands

A 31-year-old woman from Southend has been forced to reassure the public that she hasn’t given birth yet, in spite of the fact that she has a massive bump indicating that the baby is still inside her. 

Natasha Gest spoke EXCLUSIVELY to Southend News Network earlier today after getting more than 100 enquiries about having her baby since her due date came and went yesterday.

She said: ‘People keep looking at my huge bump and asking me if there’s ‘any sign’ of baby yet.’

‘What do they think I have done with her? Stuck her in the fucking cupboard under the stairs or something?’

‘Perhaps the enormous mass of baby and various other fluids protruding from my mid-section isn’t enough of a clue that I am still waiting to enter the labour stage of pregnancy.’

‘The best thing is that at this stage of my pregnancy I am in the best possible frame of mind to deal with really fucking stupid questions as well.

‘Do you know what you are having yet?’ Yes – a fucking baby. Now fucking well fuck off! You’ll be the first to hear about it on Facebook, I promise you.’

‘Speaking of Facebook, I’ll probably stick a photo up on there when the baby is born. But if everyone could keep asking me if I have given birth on Messenger in the meantime, that would be swell – no pun intended, just rage.’

We spoke to Dr Sally Armee from the South Essex College of Midwifery about the best way to tell if a woman has given birth yet.

She said: ‘One of the clearest signs that childbirth has taken place is when the woman no longer has a great big bump and the baby is outside of the body in her arms.’

‘Studies have shown time after time that the presence of a baby bump usually means that childbirth is yet to happen. You could just try asking them if they are ‘fat’ instead, but you may lose the ability to breathe shortly afterwards.’