An expert in retailer pronunciation has confirmed that after weeks of online debate that have been weighing up ‘Pree-mark’ and ‘Pr-eye-mark,’ the correct way to say the name of the clothing store is actually ‘shit-hole.’
Dr Prudhoe Proctor is a professor of retailology at the University of East Beach, and he told Southend News Network that both sides of the recent debate have been wrong.
He said: ‘The true pronunciation of Primark derives from the fact that most men who are facing the prospect of being dragged in there will usually say ‘please don’t take me into that shithole.’
‘This is often followed by, ‘If you take me into that pit of despair I will most likely remove my eyeballs with the business end of the nearest clothes hanger to avoid having to gaze at the permatanned, steering wheel-sized hoop earring-clad troglodytes that lurk within.’
‘We have a case study with CCTV footage of a 21 year old male clinging to the pavement outside their Southend branch with his Staffordshire terrier Tyson while his bird Chanelle-Shaniqua is trying lure him inside with the promise of a new string vest.’
The news comes on the same day that the John Lewis group confirmed that Waitrose has also been a victim of mass mispronunciation for a number of years.
A spokesperson said: ‘It’s not actually ‘Way-troze,’ it is ‘Way-treuzze’ in the same manner that one would pronounce ‘beurre’ in French, such as in a ‘beurre blanc’ sauce that would cover a thinly sliced fillet of venison.’
‘Quite often, the true way of saying the name of the supermarket can sound ‘muffled’ when overheard as the person saying it has already disappeared into the deepest recesses of their own rectum.’
We asked 50 people in Southend how they think that ‘Lidl’ should be pronounced, with 47 of them replying ‘eurghnnnn.’