After an extensive Southend News Network investigation, it has emerged that the entire gluten-free food industry is based on the principle of putting very expensive food into tiny little packets. In another development, a leading expert has admitted that manufacturers get away with it because MILLIONS of sufferers are terrified of dying if they eat the wrong type of Rice Crispies.

Our main source during the investigation wanted to remain anonymous, and he said: ‘The whole gluten-free industry simply didn’t exist many years ago, and somehow people managed to get through the day without having their head firmly implanted up their own backside. However, everything changed in January 1984 when someone felt ‘a bit bloated,’ and suddenly a consortium of food producers came up with the idea of removing the wheat from a number of products and charging £3.99 for a loaf of bread-free bread. A lot of people are unaware of this, but there is currently a secret competition between the major supermarket chains to see who can produce the smallest potato waffle.’

Jolene Parker-Penn, 28, told Southend News Network that the sheer range of gluten-free food stores in her home town of Leigh On Sea has made it very easy to manage her condition. While doctors have diagnosed it as ‘possible wheat intolerance’ she insists that we refer to her as having coeliac disease, and she said: ‘It has never been easier to lead a gluten-free lifestyle in Leigh. Last week, my local grocer took delivery of the UK’s first ever consignment of gluten-free mineral water, and I am proud to be living somewhere that is leading the way. In my opinion, people need to be more tolerant of people with wheat intolerance issues.’


  1. People need to understand the Gluten-free diet and gluten-free mineral water.

    I also understand there is a PM petition to lobby MPs in respect of ensuring Gluten-free tap-water is piped to every UK home.