Three sisters from Southend On Sea in Essex have been telling our Chief Reporter about how they have been forced to ‘flee the United Kingdom’ after their 55-year-old mum purchased an iPhone 7 Plus on Vodafone. According to the trio, the purchase was ‘the best possible motivation’ to start a new life in Australia. 

Kallie Moore, 31, spoke on her own behalf and her two younger sisters’ Joanna and Briony, who are 28 and 25 respectively.

She said: ‘We all went round to mum and dad’s for dinner last week, and while we were eating she proudly announced that she had ordered the iPhone 7 Plus on Vodafone. We all put our cutlery down and sat in a sort of stunned silence.’

‘We nearly committed matricide last year when she got Sky+HD and kept asking us where the tapes go in – as far as we are concerned she has just blown £729 on an expensive placemat.’

‘Back in the summer, she asked us for advice about which mobile phone to get, and she seemed to go into a state of shock when we informed her that ‘the one Keanu Reeves used in The Matrix’ isn’t around anymore. I nearly slapped her when she said that she just wanted to make calls and play Snake.’

‘She spent three days looking for the ‘Any’ key on her laptop recently, and that little foray into the tech world ended when someone advised her to defragment the hard drive.’

‘We spend our whole lives warning her about hi-tech scams, and then someone from Pakistan fleeced her for £10,000 when someone called and told her that there was a fire in her bank account. Unfortunately the Fire Brigade needed her long card number and PIN to gain access and put out the blaze.’

‘Thankfully, the application paperwork from Australia House includes a fast-track ‘Escaping parental luddite with smartphone’ option. We’ve not even told her that it has FaceTime yet – our last Skype webcam chat involved a 45-minute conversation with her left knee.’