Fluff the guinea pig, who is currently causing havoc at Southend Airport.

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All flights in and out of Southend Airport have been delayed or cancelled this morning due to an ongoing situation with a guinea pig that is currently loose on the runway. The domestic pet, who has only been named at this stage as ‘Fluff,’ is believed to have escaped from his owner’s home close to the Anne Boleyn pub restaurant in Southend Road, and aircraft are unable to use the runway until he has been captured.

A senior source at Southend Aiport confirmed: ‘At first, we wanted to try and run the animal over with one of our patrol cars, but with the recent events in Wales with the police car and the loose dog on the dual carriageway this was no longer an option that would have gone down well with the public. However, at the same time people need to realise that if a guinea pig gets sucked into an aircraft’s engine, the consequences could be severe. Rodent strikes currently cause 30,000 flight cancellations globally every year, and so our engineers are working tirelessly to bring the animal under control as soon as possible.’

At the time of writing, a team of airport staff were standing next to the runway and pointing at all of the grass that surrounds the tarmac area – someone from the RSPCA has confirmed that this is the main staple of the animal’s diet. If that doesn’t work, they have contacted Pets At Home on the Airport Shopping Park to see if they have a particularly attractive female guinea pig in stock. His owner has confirmed that he has not been ‘done’ yet, and so they are confident that he will be more than willing to stop his campaign of terror and check out his new mate.’

Local aviationary animal rights campaigners have acted swiftly to remind Southend Airport staff that the guinea pig will need to be removed in a ‘humane and appropriate manner.’ Joshua Twitch, chairperson of the South Essex Airport Escapee Animal Rights Foundation, said: ‘We are hopeful that this incident will be dealt with in a manner that doesn’t harm either the animal, passing aircraft or humans, and also that airport staff have learnt the lessons from last year’s incident with the elephant.’





  1. Re: Guinea pig story. The second shortest scheduled airline route in the world was abandoned because indigenous quokka marsupials leapt onto the Britten-Norman Islander aircraft between Perth international (PER) and Rottnest Island airport. The connection now is by sea , including the world famous annual Rottnest Island Swim on the last weekend in March. [verified on Wikipedia]. keep up the good work,chaps,Regards, Terry.

  2. I heard ‘pigs might fly’ but does that include guinea pigs?

    No wonder Southend Airport is so worried if it does.