Relaxing dog at the beach

Dog lovers who visit Southend have been celebrating today at the news that certain people will be allowed to take their dogs onto ALL beaches in Southend. According to a statement that was released today, visitors from London will be able to apply for a free permit online that will allow them to take their dogs on to any beach in the borough, and in return their home borough in the Capital will provide no assistance whatsoever with picking up the tonnes of litter that they leave behind.

Marlon Bono is Southend Borough Council’s Head of Canine Engagement, and he said: ‘People who visit Southend from London are absolutely vital for tourism businesses locally – some of them even buy their picnic when they arrive instead of filling their 15-year-old Toyota Avensis with 25 people and just as many carrier bags of food from Morrisons in Woodford Green or wherever. Last weekend, some of them even transformed one of the seafront car parks into a full-blown nightclub with mixing decks and everything, and we welcome this touch of glamour to our town. Therefore, if allowing them to bring their dogs will get even more of them heading down the A13 every weekend, we are happy to have some extra canine visitors too!’

Mr Bono added: ‘It’s a fascinating situation that backs up our decision to withdraw support for the Airshow. We said all along that the annual spectacular wasn’t needed to make the town fill up with complete and utter tossers, and we were right all along. Some local people have expressed concerns about the amount of litter that was left behind once they all buggered off again, but if we voice these concerns publically they might go to Clacton instead. Once word spreads that they have somehow managed to organise an Airshow up there as well we could be in serious trouble, lagoon or otherwise.’


  1. Following a recent announcement on SNN will the bitches be allowed to wear bikinis?