The time has come for someone to take a stand against Facebook users who clumsily throw countless fucking hashtags at the end of every post because they are under the impression that they are going to propel them to social media superstardom.
Here’s a reality check. They don’t work. They make you look like a twat. Here’s why.
Are you one of those sensible people who care so much about their own safety that they make all of their Facebook posts friends only? Well done!
Now here’s the thing. Hashtags work on Twitter because everything is a lot more open, and a concise hashtag based on a trending topic can sometimes draw the attention of the whole world to your humble little collection of 140 characters or less.
Facebook on the other hand is another matter when your shit is ‘Friends only.’
If you put a hashtag at the end of your ‘Friends only’ post, it is still ‘Friends only.’
That means that your hashtags have just boosted your Facebook visibility by precisely FUCK ALL. Congratulations.
Your 367 Facebook friends can see your post with hashtags, and your 367 Facebook friends can see your post without hashtags. What a monumental waste of fucking time.
To make matters worse, your 367 Facebook friends are now looking at your post and thinking ‘what the hell is she doing?,’ or dare I say it, ‘he.’
Do you really think that your 367 friends are going on Facebook and making it a top priority to search for posts containing ‘#lookatthebundleofjoythathasfallenoutofmyfanny’ or ‘#sunsoutdrinkieswithmygirlies’ or everyone’s all-time favourite chunk of vaguebooking hashtag fuckwittery, ‘#fedup?’
No. They are not. Take it from me – you sound like a fucking loon.
Let’s just suppose that all your posts are ‘Public’ – do you really think that there are people out there who are falling over themselves to search for your personalised and incredibly specific hashtag?
No. They are not. Take it from me – you REALLY sound like a fucking loon.
Please do everyone a favour and lay off the Facebook hashtags. They are the online equivalent of you saying things in real life through a giant megaphone while getting two equally braindead fuckwits to hold giant foam fingers pointing at you.
Feel free to post this story to anyone on your Facebook feed who is guilty of this, or just tell them to fucking well fuck the fuck off.
This public service announcement has been brought to you by Southend News Network #fakenews #satire #facebook