A survey by the National Office of Statistics has revealed that 89% of all ‘WENGER IN’ Arsenal fans are males who also enjoy being spat at and having their testicles stamped on while being called ‘a low life nothing piece of dog shit.’
Michael Violat has supported Arsenal for more than 40 years and is 100% convinced that Arsène Wenger is the right man to lead the club for the next three decades.
We caught up with him while he was paying a dominatrix called Doris to roughly insert a pineapple in his rectum, crown-end first.
He said: ‘Today’s 2-1 loss against Chelsea may look bad on paper, but the reality of the situation is that we still have a young team and it is taking Arsène time to get them all to blend together.’
‘This is a long-term project after all, and financial stability is the key.’
‘The moaners should all remember that we won the league in 1998, 2002 and 2004, and more importantly … mmmmmmmmmmphhhhhh fuck yeah that feels good, harder, HARDER Doris!’
‘Get the candle wax! Do it! Do it!’
A spokesperson for Arsenal Football Club said that while Wednesday’s loss against Chelsea was ‘regrettable,’ another opportunity for supporters to spunk £40-£100 a pop would be along soon.
He added: ‘It’s all about taking some time to reflect over the coming days, and Arsène and the team will be learning the lessons from this game.’
‘Actually you could all just stop coming to games if you really feel the need to protest. Plenty of Malaysian tourists with more money than sense out there.’
A representative of the club’s majority shareholder Stan Kroenke’s company Mediocrity Sports Enterprises said: ‘Arsène is still the best man for the job. Please don’t tell anyone that we said something different – he has a bit of a temper on him.’