Thousands of UKIP voters have confirmed that they will be taking their own crayons to polling stations on General Election Day over fears of vote tampering.
With less than 24 hours to go until the polls open, branches of Early Learning Centre all over the country are reporting that stocks of the implements usually reserved for ‘my first dog’ and ‘mummy and daddy took me to the seaside’ have run out.
UKIP supporter Dave Smedge from Fairfax Drive in Southend said: ‘I have been banned from Argos for nicking all of their pens, so I will be voting in red crayon on Thursday.’
‘Voting with a pencil is incredibly dangerous as lefties with rubbers could erase the ‘X’ and put it in the Labour box.’
‘With a nice thick red crayon, I can clearly indicate that I am choosing the UKIP candidate, and I can even draw lots of arrows on the paper that are pointy towards the box where I have voted so the person counting knows that I have voted for UKIP.’
His friend Nigel Throop added: ‘I don’t trust crayons neither, so I am going to slice my forehead open and headbutt the ballot paper.’
‘Blood don’t wash out of anything.’
A spokesperson for the Electoral Commission added: ‘Members of the public are more than welcome to bring their own pen when the come and vote, along with any tin foil hats.’
‘If they are concerned about other voters seeing their ballot papers, they can also bring their own burka and just vote under it before folding it up and sticking it in the ballot box.’