A spokesperson for West Ham United has confirmed that a name has finally been chosen for their new home ground at the Olympic Stadium in East London. While it was originally thought that the club would choose a ‘big money’ deal with a major sponsor, a statement explained that the main priority was to choose a name that the majority of Hammers fans would be able to pronounce – a panel of linguistic experts concluded that a simple, two-syllable name would be the best choice for a large number of people who might struggle with something a bit more foreign or exotic, and therefore the new stadium will be called Reggie.
Lifelong supporter Dave ‘Big Dave’ Duster said: ‘I love it! It says everything that we want to say as a club, and it sends out the message that nobody will come and give us aggro on our manor. Remember Reggie Kray? He was a proper geezer and ‘Ronnie’ just wouldn’t have worked for a club of our size and reputation. Reggie Perrin? He was so hard he just walked into the sea one day. Reggie Yates? He’s great on the telly. That bloke from The Bill was called Reg or Reggie as well wasn’t he?’
However, a number of fans aren’t happy that the club could be missing out on millions of pounds in lost sponsorship revenue. Reggie Reggerson is head of the Green Street Ironworks Hammers Spirit Of ’66 Supporters Club, and he said: ‘It’s a disgrace that we are not getting a corporate sponsor on board. All the other clubs seem to have one, but then again they probably paid for their ultra-modern stadiums without huge amounts of government assistance, and why should we go for a money spinner and have to give those stuck-up toffs a big chunk of it?’