A spokesperson for Newham Council has confirmed that West Ham United have been EVICTED from their London Stadium home with immediate effect after tonight’s crowd disturbance in the Burnley match was described as a ‘clear breach of the tenancy agreement that is provided to all council tenants’ – they were already on a final warning.
Colin Sector of Newham Council added: ‘All council tenants in receipt of Housing Benefit must abide by the full terms of their tenancy agreement, and it clearly states that anyone occupying a council home must act in a respectful manner towards their neighbours at all times.’
‘Unfortunately, ripping up a plastic seat and chucking it at some other nutter before running on the pitch because you are convinced that you were in the ICF at some point doesn’t quite count as ‘respectful behaviour.’
‘We had a complaint from someone who lives close to the stadium that a home supporter threatened to ‘mug off’ her Yorkshire Terrier – nobody really has any idea what he meant, but apparently it sounded aggressive.’
‘Officials of the club have been warned that they have 28 days to clear out their offices and report the final gas and electricity meter readings to nPower.’
’They can just put the keys through the letterbox at Newham Town Hall as soon as they are ready.’
‘As part of our obligation to rehome problem tenants, our relocation team is already working hard to find West Ham United alternative accommodation in a temporary hostel in Basildon. They will be entitled to apply for an emergency subsistence loan if required.’
Lifelong supporter Dave ‘Davey Boy’ Davies said that it was a ‘dark day on ‘is manna.’
He added: ‘I will follow The Hammers wherever they end up, but Basildon would be amazing. Southend United is already my first team and it would be a dream come true.’
‘Come to think of it, we might be able to persuade Southend Borough Council to let us have Roots Hall anyway if we make a nice Powerpoint up and make the word ‘Legacy’ bounce across the screen with a load of different animation effects.’
In a late development, Tottenham Hotspur officials confirmed that they have submitted a bid for the ex-Olympic Stadium tenancy.
According to a spokesperson, the club intends to rent it and then just leave it empty and lifeless for 50 years just to be a pain in the arse.